In the Supernatural Design Committee (an organization staffed by those souls who in their bland lives deserved neither heaven nor hell, and are instead given jobs as a form of community service before a more accurate judgment can be passed. This organization plants inspiration in the minds of certain human beings to keep the human race in steady progress).
Young optimistic designer for the communications department Walter prepares to run a proposal by his supervisor, Eugene.
Walter: I’ve come up with a BRILLIANT new idea for communication.
Eugene: What? What about those phone things? I feel like you just barely introduced those. How am I supposed to sell this to the committee already?
Walter: Come now, if you eat the same sandwich and fries twenty years in a row you’re bound to grow tired of it, it’s time for something new! It’s fairly common knowledge that nothing dulls one’s enjoyments faster than making them routine! Innovations aren’t like silverware, you can’t just supply it once and reuse it, they’re like groceries, you need to constantly restock!
Eugene: Are you pitching communication or supermarkets?
Walter: Alright, fine, here’s my idea. Now: I want you to look at the world right now. The population is on a steady incline, and shows no signs of stopping. This means that very soon, isolation will no longer be a viable way of life unless one grows gills and lives in the ocean. With such a tightly packed populace, inevitably people will not only require more active communication with the rest of the world, but also cling more tightly to their moments of privacy, which will unavoidably become increasingly rare. What I am proposing to you now is a solution to both problems: a worldwide network—my working title is the world wide web—which will allow virtually anyone to contact anyone else in a matter of minutes.
Eugene: I’m already spotting more holes in this thing than your average block of Swiss cheese. Most alarmingly you’re making the assumption that people will only use this for business meetings, or friendly family conversations. If this network is strong enough to facilitate communication between anyone who has access to it, surely that would open up all kinds of windows for strange, or worse, harmful and criminal behavior.
Walter: …Please. Do you really think an idea so revolutionary and full of potential will instantly dissolve into anarchy?
Eugene: Yes! You said the exact same thing about phones, and look where that’s ended up! We’ve got wiretapping, we’ve got telemarketers, and we’ve got creepy people paying money for weird sexual conversations! If an audio-only media can lead to these problems, imagine the potential for a form of media which engages sight AND sound to be twisted and mutilated!
Walter: Okay, okay, okay… I’ll grant this proposition. Let’s say, hypothetically, that all of these creeps and more migrate to this world wide web… this isn’t like the phone where often the creep can’t be identified until he’s already done his damage. With a worldwide network comes the immediate protection of anonymity; no one person is a target anymore. You see, a place like this would provide universal appeal; everyone could find their own little niches and satisfy their own tastes.
Eugene: But that same anonymity allows anyone to disregard even the loosest rules of social etiquette. I can admit that such a network could be very useful to many people, but at the same time it allows the worst traits of already rather unpleasant people to blossom in plain sight. Is it worth the luxury to be constantly reminded of just how idiotic and often downright mean-spirited many people are? The people raised with exposure to this network will grow up cynical and utterly sickened with their own species. Then what will you do? There’s not much innovation you can force upon people like that. You could give them a device that stores every song they’ve ever heard or could ever want to hear and they’d find mundanity in it within a couple years.
Walter: Ever the pessimist. Alright, I’ll even grant that idea, that my revolutionary concept will lead to generations of entitled, cynical idiots as well as representatives of the absolute bottom rung of society. Hey, more work for us! I can’t tell you the kind of bonuses we’d accumulate if we’re called upon to provide innovation after innovation to people who lose fascination with the most impressive examples of consumer technology virtually months after they come out. The sheer rate at which things would become obsolete in such a culture would make us easily the biggest branch of the Supernatural Design Committee. And if I’m right, and this tool won’t be swarmed by the dregs of humanity, then we’ll have done our job properly.
Eugene: …Well I’ll be damned. Ya sold me.
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